


When I look at the stars, I think of you

by crunchturtles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, Long-Distance Relationship, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Pining, Rants, Rejection, Shounen-ai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:26:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24102844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crunchturtles/pseuds/crunchturtles
Summary: Iwaizumi's sends a heartfelt letter containing his feelings to Oikawa, a while after the latter had left for Argentina.A recollection of memories from Iwaizumi's perspective.An IwaOi one shot
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	When I look at the stars, I think of you

**Author's Note:**

> This is a letter written by Iwaizumi. Thus his POV. Hope it brings a smile to your face :)

To my dearest Shittykawa,

I'm not sure what time it is now, probably some time past midnight and I'm writing this half asleep in the middle of a thesis I'm trying to complete for college.

The sky's really dark at the moment, and the stars are all out, just the way you like it, oh there's a waxing gibbous moon up there too. It's not like I enjoy looking at the stars in particular. In fact I think it's one of the most boring and meaningless things to occupy yourself with. Things that only idiots like you would do. But ever since you left, I found myself watching the night sky a lot more than I used to, which literally amounted to zero times unless you dragged me along your late night adventures just to lay down for an hour on the grass field. And then before I realised it I was sitting on the front porch every night just to stare up into blank space, at the stupid, twinkling stars. The constellations and planets you told me about, all the stories and legends behind each pattern, speaking with enthusiasm and conviction as if they weren't simply myths but something real. Though your stories were actually believable until you brought in aliens, so you brought this upon yourself.

Right now it's winter in Japan. I see Orion, the hunter with the three stars aligned at it's belt- fucking easy to spot, but I probably would never have noticed if you hadn't told me. Then there's Sirius in Canis Major, the dog. Oh hey, that's you Shittykawa. Wait, there was the smaller dog, Canis Minor was it? Or maybe you're just that. The big dog's too noble a creature for you. You're such a giant nerd.

It's summer in Argentina, right? Can you see the same sky as I do? Or are we so far apart that even the sky is different? 

Remember the time you confessed to me for the first time? We were in our third year of junior high, it was around the time of our graduation. It was stupid, really. You're so damn jealous and childish and just plain terrible. More girls have surrounded you and showered you with love and chocolate in a day than they have to me in my whole life, and when one girl comes to tell me about her feelings, you get all worked up and possessive? What are you, a five year old? Oh, wait. I asked a stupidly obvious question. 

After you declared to the whole class that "Iwa-chan is dating Oikawa-san already so everyone back off", you think I'd come to you happily? Heck, you've never even told me you loved me before then, and you're suddenly telling the whole world we're dating? I swear my reputation was ruined by you. Thinking back, I still can't believe you actually did something so ridiculous.

You didn't see it, but I rejected the girl before that anyway, so it wouldn't have mattered. Look at all the trouble you've brought upon yourself and me again. Then after that bold declaration, you avoided me for the rest of the day. 

Sorry, what? Shittykawa, it's funny now that I'm looking back, but did you know how furious I was?

Then when I found you and dragged you out of your hiding spot at uncle Takashi-san's convenience store, you just looked at me with a meek, fearful face that you made whenever your mom was mad at you. Oh, no. You're thinking about that again.

_ Iwa-chan are you my mom? _

Well fuck off.

Sick of your childish whining.

In the end, you still cried your eyes out and expressed your undying love for me with your face full of snot. How ugly.

I'm sorry but not sorry for rejecting you. You were my best friend, the only one that I could count on no matter what, and wouldn't abandon regardless how idiotic you were. That friendship was important to me, Oikawa, if you didn't know that. I don't know how you felt about it, but I didn't want to take any risks that might ruin that friendship. Furthermore, seeing how fickle minded you are, you were probably just confused with your jealousy of me being confessed to since you've always had me to yourself, by your side, then you'd end up dating me for a month or so and quit after you're satisfied. You think I'd let you have your way? People have their own feelings too.

But you told me otherwise. You showed me, through your actions, that it wasn't a simple infatuation or a short term crush. That you were willing to spend your life with me, even though you were still unwilling to give up your narcissistic, selfish attitude- but that's what I like about you as well. I'd tell you to be yourself and stay that way, but...no, nevermind. The days we spent together, the days I dismissed your feelings as something you've mistaken for brotherly love and admiration, the days we walked together side by side, the days you'd complain to me about Kageyama and Ushijima, the days we trained so hard our muscles ached on a regular basis, the days we hung out and watched movies on Saturday night, the days we went on short vacations to Tokyo or Osaka, the days we had delicious meals together over with your family or mine, the days we stargazed together under the night sky, the days that has passed, a three full years, and I was still in your heart.

Up till the day we graduated from Aoba Johsai, you've never spoken about your feelings for me again, not even once, after the first rejection I gave you. At first you sulked, so I let you be. Then you slowly went back to your normal self, and I thought you got over it. Aside from a few occasions where I saw you sneaking glances at me and keeping deadly silent in thought after that, I thought you were fine and we were back to our old selves. Just like we have always been since young. 

Say what, you even got yourself a girlfriend in highschool. Even though she dumped you soon after. Serves you right.

Anyway, I should be saying I was surprised when you confessed to me for the second time on our graduation day at Seijou. I should, but oddly, I wasn't. Perhaps deep down I knew that it wasn't a fluke, that from your actions and your words, from the way you looked at me, the expressions you made only when we were together and not with anyone else, and knowing you since young, I subconsciously knew that your feelings were real. And I'd turned them down anyway. Maybe I was in denial, but you actually knew what I was thinking, didn't you? You knew that I was aware that your feelings were real, and turned you down anyway, didn't you? You knew that I was afraid to risk our friendship? Yet, you accepted it as such and went along with my whims.

I'm sorry for not giving you a straight answer that day. After confessing again you said I could take as long as I needed to give you an answer, and you'd wait no matter how long it takes, but look where the fuck you are now. Within a week you were all the way on the other side of the earth in Argentina. How am I supposed to give you an answer then? Or did you get tired of waiting?

...It was my bad for dragging this out for so long. But don't get cocky, Trashykawa. You're probably gonna twist my apology to your advantage and blackmail me. 

I hope you're doing well in Argentina nevertheless. Did those huge westerners didn't beat the crap out of you already? Don't come crying to me again. But really, make sure you take care of yourself- and no, I'm not your mom. You just wilfully ignore your health and responsibilities so I end up having to clean up after you and take care of your sorry ass.

Whether your teammates are nice or not, you'll be nastier than them all anyway. 

And, if you've given up on me and decided to focus on volleyball, or found someone else that could endure dealing with your snarky self, then I wish you all the best. No matter what happens, I'll still be here if you need me. We're best friends, after all, even if I hate to admit it.

The times I spent together with you were the most memorable of all, perhaps simply due to the fact that most of my time was spent with you. And that meant most of your time was spent with me as well, ever since we were toddlers, then going through the whole education system together, you were always sticking to me like a parasite. But it's not something I dislike.

Now that you've left to pursue your volleyball career, in a faraway foreign land no less, I suddenly feel as if the spot by my side is unbearably cold and empty. It's strange, I can't describe it, but it feels so...strange, like something that had always been there without question regardless of whether I wanted it to or not suddenly vanished. Maybe, I'm the one that has become dependent on you after all these years. When have I become so pathetic? That I'd sit out on the porch looking at the stars and reminiscing about my childhood friend?

It's been so empty. Everything's not the same- the streets, the famous ramen store you loved to patronize, the bridge over the river we passed by on the way to school everyday, the grass field, watching movies, the pond we liked to visit because there were ducks living there, the streets, having dinner with your family, even volleyball- it's not the same.

I've been spending a good part of my life with you without even realising it, huh. Even if you left me hanging here like an idiot, running off to Argentina on your own, I don't regret it.

Now whenever I look at the stars, I think of you. Or is it because I think of you that I look at the stars?

You're never going to hear this from me again but, I fucking miss you so damn much asshole. Come back soon. I'll let you know my answer then, if you still want to hear it. 

Iwaizumi Hajime.


End file.
